Chapter 12: The Chicken

Pink is my favorite color.  Whenever I wear my pink collar everyone tells me how pretty I look.  I love the attention.  That is why I was so excited when the Yuppies gave me a pink chicken.  At first I was confused because the Yuppies kept calling it chicken but it tasted nothing like the delicious treats they give me to try to get me to obey them.  The chicken treats are irresistible and I would do anything to sink my teeth into them (even humiliate myself by crawling, dancing, and heeling).  But this pink chicken tasted like all the other toys I've destroyed.  Why would the Yuppies use the same word for two different things? Stupid.  Since it was pink and tasted nothing like real chicken, I was hesitant to destroy it.  Maybe if I carried it around with me, people would think I was a pretty girl.  But then the urges took over, I mean it squeaked in 3 places.  How could I resist?

 

Chapter 11: The Skunk

Need I say more?

Chapter 10: The Moose Part 2

After I partially destroyed the Moose, it went into hiding.  I couldn't find it anywhere.  I know I ripped it apart, but I didn't fully destroy it.  It still had some life in it.  But where did it go?  Today, I had my opportunity to find out.  The yuppies left me alone with free range of the house (although they put the cat's food out of reach - that stuff is so good, why don't they feed me that? Lucky cat) while they were showering.  As I understand it, showering is like taking a bath.  Baths are the most miserable experience, just the word frightens me.  Why would anyone do that voluntarily every day?  Anyhow, I digress, I searched high and low for the Moose.  I knew it was there somewhere.  Finally, I picked up its scent and started tracking it.  It was hidden under a pile of clothes, but that didn't stop me from getting to it.  Now the Moose was mine!  As usual, I started at the head going for the squeaker (even though it was a fake squeaker).  To my surprise it was full of fluff.  I ripped all that out.  It was everywhere.  Just as I was getting into it, the yuppies came out.  I knew I would be in trouble, so I ran for my bed hoping they wouldn't notice.  But just at that moment, Hamlet started sounding the alarm.  He gave me away, letting the yuppies know all about my destruction.  I will get you Hamlet, one day...

Chapter 9: Peanut Butter

I have a new favorite food.  It is awesome.  I'll eat it on anything and with anything in it.  Its peanut butter!  Almond butter is OK, but peanut butter is AMAZING.  I especially like Jif brand.  Usually I only get to clean off a spoon after the Yuppies have had their fill.  If I'm lucky, sometimes I get a whole spoonful.  But one day, I got the whole jar!  I didn't even have to steal it; the Yuppies handed it to me.  I DESTROYED it.  It was the greatest day of my life.  I had so much PB that my lips were glued shut.  I was licking it off my face for hours.  Once the jar was licked clean, I started destroying the jar itself.  The wrapper wasn't anything special, but the plastic made for a great chew toy. I've got to find out where they keep that stuff.

  

 

Chapter 8: Bed

The urge inside me to Destroy is sometimes so strong that I cannot help myself and end up destroying the things I love.  My bed is where I feel safe and comfortable.  After a long day of destroying, I like nothing more than relaxing in my bed.  However, the bed is full of fluffy stuff and fluffy stuff is more fun when its everywhere.  Every night I am torn between sleeping in my bed and Destroying it.  Some nights the destructiveness overtakes the sleepiness and I wake up surrounded by fluff.  If I have my numbers correct, I believe that I have destroyed 4 beds so far.  The yuppies are starting to become annoyed though.  Lately they have been giving me towels to sleep on instead of beds.  The towels aren't as soft and there is no fluff to rip out, but I do enjoy rearranging them every time I want to take a nap.

Chapter 7: The Moose

So, as you may have noticed, all of my posts so far have been from my early, formative days.  I just recently learned to type, so I have been catching up on my life.  However, I was so proud of my destructive work yesterday that I couldn't wait to share my accomplishments.  Last night the yuppies gave me a moose.  They said that it was supposed to squeak at a pitch that I could hear but they could not.  Well, the joke is on them because it doesn't squeak.  My snake is much better for squeaking (more on that later).  Nonetheless, I took to destroying the moose immediately.  The obvious choice of places to start were its antlers.  As you can see below, it only took me a few minutes to rip those off.  But by the time they were gone, I was tired and had to nap.  I cant wait to get back to destroying the rest of the moose.

       

 

Chapter 6: Can't tie me down

The yuppies, in an effort to try and constrain me, have begun tethering me to a rope.  I am fully determined to Destroy the restraint they call a leash and fully defy any attempt by them to use it.  I figured my best shot at getting rid of this monstrosity would be non-violent civil disobedience.  My first attempts were to just lie flat on the ground every time they put the leash on me.  That didn't work to well as they would just drag me along the floor.  My second attempt was to go in the opposite direction they wanted to go, but again they would just pull me along.  I figured if they wanted to go forward so badly I would pull them along and started rushing ahead.  That didn't work either since, as soon as I started pulling, they would abruptly change directions, which was very confusing and it is tiring to keep rushing ahead in different directions.  Finally, I thought maybe I could grab the leash out of their hands and started playing tug-of-war with it.  But that just got me yelled at.  I am still devising a plan to lose the leash, maybe a hunger strike.  On the destruction front, I started by trying to pull it apart, but that didn't seem to work.  After many attempts to rip the leash apart, one day when the yuppies eating and weren't paying attention, I started chewing through the leash.  Before I knew it I had ripped the leash in two!  However, I became so distracted by the enjoyable act of chewing the leash, that I forgot to escape and the yuppies noticed my destruction before I had a chance to get away.  They tied the leash in a knot and took me home.  So much for my freedom.

 

Chapter 5: On The Lam

They are on to me!  They have heard of my destructive ways!  One of my informants gave me the heads up that the authorities were coming after me.  Luckily, I narrowly escaped capture and have been hiding out for what seems like days.  We walked forever, but apparently that was not enough to avoid suspicion. Now I'm stuck hiding out under a park bench like a homeless person.