Thursday, November 14, 2013
Chapter 14: Post Bath
As I have mentioned previously, I HATE baths. They are terrible. The only thing worse than having to stand there wet and humiliated while the Yuppies lather soap all over me and then rinse is off is their attempt to dry me after the bath. The make me stand there as they rub me all over with a towel when all I want to do is get out of the tub from hell. And they don't even do a good job! By the time they are done, I am just as wet as when they started. What is the point? Then I have to go and get the rest of the water off. I make sure the Yuppies know my displeasure by shaking as much water off me and onto them as I can. Then to finish the job I rub myself all over the carpet.
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Dear Latka,
ReplyDeleteYou are a filthy beast. You leave the clean sanctity of our home every day to do God knows what and return smelling like a burning corpse. I can only assume you spend that time rolling in bear urine and rotting fish.
It is clear that you are utterly incapable of bathing yourself - the few times I have seen you lick your paws, you forget your task within seconds and set about licking the table or the carpet instead.
I hope Beloved Human and her insufferable companion drown you in the tub.
You're Dirty,
Hamlet
My goodness, a bath sounds just awful for you. But, the less you squirm, the faster it's over. But bear urine... I don't think so!! I wonder whether Hamlet likes baths?? Maybe next time you could coax her into the tub with you. See what happens!
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