Chapter 4: The Yellow Monster

I was given the yellow monster, for lack of a better name, from my boss.  He must have know that the best way to keep me productive was to provide me with something I could DESTROY!  As soon as I sank my teeth into the yellow monster, it gave off a high pitch moan.  Another bite, another moan.  I knew I must be on the right track to destroy the yellow monster because it let me know I was hurting it with each clench of my jaw.  Soon I became addicted to the noise.  I constantly had to get a fix.  Day after day, I woke up craving the squeak and at night I dreamed of it.  There is no sound better.  I decided I had to find out what was making the sound. I started ripping at the yellow monster.  Little by little, tearing at its fibers until, finally, I ripped out its plastic squeaking heart!

Chapter 3: The Beef Stick

Today I was introduced to the greatest culinary experience of ALL TIME: the beef stick. It is pure chewing heaven.  Once I began to chomp down on the meaty goodness, I could not stop.  It was like I was in a chewing trance.  Hours seemed like minutes.  Nothing could distract me from my task of destroying the beef stick.  Don't you worry, I succeeded.  I see a steady stream of beef sticks in my future. 

 

Chapter 2: The Tennis Ball

I had my first successful take down.  At first I didn't realize that the yellow ball had destruction potential, but then I saw an older dog brutalizing another ball.  I knew, then and there, the tennis ball was no match for Latka the Destroyer.  I just had to figure out how to get my mouth around it.  It took a few tries.  The ball kept trying to get away from me, but I wouldn't let it.  Finally, after what seemed like hours of chase, the ball met its end!

  

 

Chapter 1: The first meeting with my nemesis

The Yuppies brought me to their home.  There appears to be a lot of good stuff to destroy, but I am confined to a small pen.  Its still better than sharing space with the border collies and their incessant yapping.

But the real important thing is that I met a new creature.  He is black and sly.  He creeps through the house and is especially active at night.  They call him Hamlet, but he is no prince; he is a demon and I will DESTROY him.  I just have to figure out how to get him to submit to me.  No amount of running, hopping, or barking will entice him to come over to me so that I can chomp down on him.  One day ... one day he will be mine!!!

Prologue

I was born in the wilds of West Virginia in the beginning of 2013.  Like most orphan pups, I barely knew my mother, being weened off her at only a few weeks old.  I like to think of her as a beautiful dog with some Japanese blood coursing through her, but in reality she was probably a floozy who walked the streets.  I didn't know my dad at all, but I bet he was a dog of great stature who demanded respect wherever he went.

My mother was captured by the authorities while still pregnant with me and brought to "the farm" with the other transients.  After I was born, my siblings and I were shipped off to another halfway house.  It was there that I started hatching my plan of destruction.  Some might say it was the circumstance of my upbringing that molded me into the Destroyer I am today, but I believe it is just my instinct.

I soon figured out that my greatest opportunities to blaze a destructive path would be to be if I could trick the humans into bringing me things to destroy.  It was the humans who brought us food and cleaned up after us; thus, it was be the humans who I had to learn to control.

After a few days in the halfway house, I started to notice that another litter, which was cooped up with my litter, was getting more attention from the humans than my litter was getting.  They were decedents of a breed know as the border collie; a noble breed of supposed superior intelligence (although not superior to mine).  I also realized that I slightly resembled the dogs in that litter.  We had similar ears, muzzles, and builds.  If the humans preferred the collies, then I would become a collie.

It did not take much time for me to convince not only the humans, but also the border collies, that I was one of them.  From that point on, I was grouped with the collie brood instead of my own.  Over the next few weeks, we were carted around to different places, and at each place, one or two of my new family would be taken away by the humans.  However, none of the humans seemed like ones who would properly do my bidding.

Finally, after weeks of searching, the right humans came into my life.  They had a different look about them.  Instead of the glazed-over eyes that most humans get when looking at puppies, they had a look of determination.  They first picked up one of my pseudo-brothers, but I made my move.  I attracted their attention with my alertness and hooked them with my charm.  They may call it a "rescue," but I call it entrapment. The Yuppies are mine...